Death becomes Discovery.
The Discovery Channel announced Wednesday that Captain PhilHarris will have the longest death scene in reality-show history,encompassing eight episodes.
Harris, the gruff 53-year-old star of the "Deadliest Catch"series, died Feb. 9 of complications from a stroke he suffered inlate January while unloading crab from his fishing vessel in Alaska.
News that Harris died has been very good for the show, whichreturned in April with original episodes we all knew would beCaptain Phil's last. Over the past 10 weeks, "Deadliest Catch" hasenjoyed double-digit ratings jumps compared with last season. Thisseason of "Deadliest" has ranked No. 1 among all cable programs onTuesday nights, averaging nearly 4 million viewers.
Meanwhile, over at Discovery-owned TLC network, the realityseries "Little People, Big World" decided to get itself some ofthat, running a season finale episode Tuesday night that wasintended to make viewers think the show's patriarch, Matt Roloff,had gone to the Big Pumpkin Patch in the Sky.
Seen sitting in his tractor-thinggummy on his farm outside ofPortland, Ore., Roloff gave a hacking cough and said: "I love thisspot. I'm gonna build me a Swiss chalet so I can die happy," as heclutched at his left shoulder and arm and breathed heavily -- leftshoulder and arm pain being a possible symptom of a certain type ofheart attack.
"That's what I want to do -- die happy. This would be a goodplace for my ashes, right here," Roloff continued to scenery-chew.
"I want to get burned, so the kids can put my urn -- my ashes -- so I can enjoy the farm: Put the urn up on the tower for a weekor so, put it over in the church for a week," he said, stillclutching at his left shoulder and giving the camera an all-flesh-is-as-grass look.
A second hacking cough later, he adds: "Every time I tell Amy I'mabout ready to die, she says 'Promises! Promises!' Little does sheknow."
In short order he's seen sitting at his desk, drinking out of apoison-green plastic cup and looking like a character out of a Greektragedy pursued by the Fates. Cut to a shot of the outside of thehouse. A loud-ish "ka-thunk" is heard.
The family reacts:
"What, what?" says one.
"Dad?" says another.
"What happened?" asks a third.
"Father!" screams a female.
Matt is seen lying facedown on the floor beside his desk.
"Get him a bottle of water," someone suggests.
The curtain falls.
Of course, the show was shot in the fall -- remember, thepumpkins were in season? And Roloff has made many personalappearances since then, which would seem to suggest he did not, youknow, die.
And yet, the stunt worked like gangbusters, the blatherospheregoing gaga the next day with bloggers reporting on Matt's shockingdemise, including these headlines:
Matt Roloff, patriarch of the Roloff family and star of the TLCseries "Little People, Big World," was rumored to have diedfollowing a heart attack as seen on the last episode of the seasonfinale. . . .
Matt Roloff Dead by Heart Attack Rumors Spread on the Internet,True or Not? . . .
Matt Roloff, a participant with his family in the realitytelevision program "Little People, Big World" on TLC, is rumored tobe dead by heart attack. . . .
. . . all of this demonstrating for the 1,342,566th to1,342,569th times why covering TV should be left to professionals.
On Tuesday, TLC announced it had ordered a sixth season of"Little People, Big World," which is a good thing because otherwisehow will all those bloggers find out whether Roloff is dead?
Meanwhile, back in Discovery's land of really-most-sincerely-dead, Captain Phil will begin his tragic scene on Episode 11, to betelecast June 22. That "opening episode," as Discovery is callingit, includes Harris's initial stroke.
One week later, in Episode 12, the rest of the fleet will beginto hear the unsettling news and react with stunned disbelief,Discovery promises.
Everyone will continue to be unsettled in Episode 13, and anotherweek later, in Episode 14, Harris dies. Later that night, thecompanion show "After the Catch" will remember Harris at the BlueNile Bar in the French Quarter of New Orleans.
Then it's back aboard "Deadliest Catch: The Mothership," forEpisode 15, for a look back at Harris, including fan remembrancesrecorded at CatchCon in May. (Oh yes, Discovery threw a one-dayfestival at a conference hall in Seattle for "Catch"-aholics.)
And, in conclusion -- we promise -- one week later, inEpisode 16, Discovery Channel will finally let Harris rest in peace,though everyone else will still be absorbing the news of his death.
"I wish this would never have been a story line of the series,"Discovery Channel President and General Manager Clark Bunting saidWednesday in a statement, "but I am proud of the heart and emotionwe have worked so hard to put into these very special episodes as atribute to Phil."
demoraesl@washpost.com
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